You meet someone you’re immediately attracted to.

You’ve been out with a few men and things never quite worked out, but for now you’re content to just hang out and have some fun. Who knows he may even end up being “the one” for you. In fact you’re quite convinced he has potential. You see each other frequently in the first few weeks. You text and you call all day long. Your every moment is spent thinking of him, dreaming about him. It’s all you can talk about with your friends and co-workers, and anyone else who has your ear. You know almost nothing about your date and you don’t really care. For now this feels good. Really good!

Welcome to the modern world of dating. Where instant gratification and “the future be damned” attitude prevails. We’re the hook-up, break-up generation. We have commitment phobia. We get into relationships at the slightest attraction and step out the moment we get bored and find someone better. We date a lot of people but rarely give any of them a real chance. We are in too much of a hurry and don’t particularly care to get to know the real person we’re dating, because it “doesn’t matter”.

Technology prevails in our relationships, so much so that our physical presence has been replaced by skype, snapchat, texts, and voice messages. We share so much of each other that there is nothing left to talk about when we do get together. We like to think we’re different than everyone else, that we’re “modern”. We’re into temporary fulfillment business and getting laid is the new getting drunk. We think sex is love so we have sex first, and if it feels good we decide that must be love.

And having determined this must be “love” we don’t want to rock the boat. We’re too afraid to cover hot-button topics for fear that he may walk. We’re the practical generation that runs by logic alone. We just want to enjoy, loyalty be damned. We don’t even value long-term relationships anymore.

But you, you’re dating a guy who you’re pretty certain may be “the one”. You would like your relationship to transpire into something more meaningful. Would you not rather date consciously? If you answered yes, then wouldn’t it help to know at least some of the basics about your date’s inner world?

• What he thinks of you
• What he feels about you
• Who his best friends are
• What he does for a living
• How sound is he financially
• Is he looking for a long-term relationship
• What’s his relationship with his parents and family like
• What are his passions
• What are his short-term and long-term goals
• What are his life dreams
• What is his basic philosophy of life
• Does he respect you
• Is there fire and passion in his interactions with you
• Does he appreciate you
• Would you say he is your best friend
• Is he giving and generous
• Is he patient and attentive to you and your needs
• Is he helpful and the kind of person you can count on when in need
• Is he a problem solver
• Do you mesh well on your basic goals and values
• Are you physically attracted to each other
• Is he willing to wait patiently until you feel confident you are ready to be intimate with him
• What’s boring about his life
• Which relatives does he like the least
• What’s the number he’s not sharing
• How does he feel about children
• Is he fun to be with
• What are his hobbies
• Is he dating you exclusively

Finding true love these days takes more effort and focus than ever before. Where you put your time and energy matters. You want to be smart and discerning, as well as intentional, so you recognize a man of character when you see one. And then nurture the relationship towards long-term fulfillment.

Perhaps even to the point of saying ”I Do”…

© Rani St. Pucchi, 2016