“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us”
Another year over and you’re still mourning the relationship that never made it. Part of you is holding out hoping you could get back together. Perhaps some things remain unsaid, unresolved and you wish there could be closure. Except that for the other person there is really nothing left to say. And yet you cannot seem to be able to let go. You’re still troubled because the life you hoped for, the dreams you shared and nurtured got squashed, and life happened.
Maybe you fear that you will never meet anyone else like you ex, or experience the big love you shared with him. You are right. You won’t. But you will meet someone, just that the new someone will be different.
Getting over a painful experience can be traumatic and can keep us stuck. Sometimes it’s not that you don’t realize you are over the relationship, but that you are in denial because the process of its ending still haunts you.
If this is you, then the following steps may help:
- Talk it out
Every painful experience must be processed. It’s the only healthy way to move past it. If you have a friend who you can pour your heart out to, someone who is sympathetic and non-judgmental, then certainly talk it out with her. Failing that, a few counseling sessions will help so you can get everything off your chest. It will give you a better perspective of why your relationship did not work so that you can gain clarity and perhaps even shift your thinking and behavior.
- Stop looking for answers
Abandon trying to comprehend what happened, or why. Some events that take place in our lives have no logical explanations. Some soul contracts expire and it is just time to move on.
- Accept yourself
Befriend the part of you that didn’t get it right. You know now and you will be more mindful in the future. Don’t beat yourself up. Emotions show you have a heart, so accept and treasure this aspect of your personality. There is someone else out there who would love your sensitivity and who will appreciate your love.
- Choose your friends
Associate with people who are non-judgmental, and who support you. You don’t get over the loss and break-up easily and you can suffer greatly from people not understanding the pain of your grief, those who believe that you should hurry up and move on.
- Practice self-love
Be kind to yourself. Nurture and nourish your body, do something for your soul such as meditation and being in the company of those who lift you up. Fill yourself up with a healthy dose of love of self so that you do not have to look outside for someone else to complete you. Give your heart the chance to say everything it wants regarding the relationship, and listen to it with compassion. What emerges may surprise you, because the heart never lies.
- Open up
You have two choices: either open up more or close down. Allowing new things and new people to enter your life is the braver choice. So open up and let your life unfold to new possibilities. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off the past.
Your heart is stronger than you realize. It is designed to handle being broken. And for those who believe that there is a time span for mourning that is not true. Some relationships affect us so deeply that the sadness, anger and hurt last a very long time, convincing us that we will never be able to move forward again.
Just remember, day turns into night and winter trickles into the beginning of spring. Everyday is a new day. You just have to be strong, even though facing the truth is difficult and life may feel painful. Yet perhaps life is more peaceful because conflict with it is reduced.
Ask yourself, how would you feel when you are over your break-up? Relieved that it is behind you so you can get on with life? Would you feel confident, unafraid, and free to meet someone else? If you answered yes, then why don’t you feel that now? If it has been a while since your relationship ended then perhaps this choice is available to you. How about that?
“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
© Rani St. Pucchi, 2016
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