It ever has been since time began,

And ever will be, till time lose breath,

That love is a mood -no more- to man,

And love to a woman is life or death.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox~


Vanity was a strong, positive, assertive young woman, who wrote to tell me her story of what she described as her “date from hell”. She told me that she had gone to a bar with a girlfriend and met a man who struck a conversation with her and eventually suggested they go somewhere to talk. She agreed.

They went to an all-night diner and the man proceeded to order coffee for them both and pulled out a cigar and started to smoke without asking her permission or even inquiring if the smoke would bother her, which it did. So Vanity asked him politely if he would stop smoking. He then got on his phone and was busy joking with someone on the other end, totally ignoring her for a good part of an hour. As if that were not bad enough he started telling her tacky jokes and expected her to laugh. By then Vanity wished the earth would swallow her up.

Never once did he ask her one interested question about herself.

The reason Vanity wrote to me was to say how disappointed she was that he hadn’t reached out to her since. She wished she hadn’t mentioned anything about his smoking because maybe that’s what turned him off? Or perhaps it was because she refused to go back with him to his pad when he asked her at the end of the evening.

He did ask her for her phone number though. But why had he not called?

Many women, like Vanity, do not get it that dating should be about being selective, and not about being selected. Too many women behave like beggars rather than choosers in the dating game.

Where did she go wrong? The dating game seemed so complicated. She wished she could understand men better and that the right person would come into her life.

To shed a little more light on the subject, please visit this article at the Huffington Post.

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